EDIT: let me preface this by saying to the shrimp of a blonde guy, who is apparently the owner: FUCK YOU, GO SUCK A DICK!!!! and learn how to run a bar. DICKWAD.
So I arrive much earlier than the band tonight. Apparently, load in is NOT at 4. Oh well.. this gives me time to hit the local thrift stores.. at least I’m not far from home. Downside is I am stricken with Strep Throat.. or possibly the plague. Or maybe Scarlet Fever. Or just cooties.. I haven’t had a cootie shot in years, so that’s a valid possibility.
I decide to show back up around 6, and am still the only one here. The sound guy, Dan, is here. He seems cool, tells me about what he’s done to improve this place.. He seems really cool, and offers up hooking me up with a local merch company.. score!
He's also worked at Galaxy a few times, so he knows my plight in geting to where I'm at.
The promoter, Scott.. well, Im not a fan so far. It seems I don't exist.. funny, I would think the promoter would know everyone involved.. including the merch girl. I'm pretty sure I've met him before and didnt like him then either. Then again, I generally don't like promoters.. ever.
So I spend awhile hanging out with the merch dude, discussing tour, past tours, and goals for future.. I'd love to tour manage.. or at least merch for a big, moneymaking tour.
Finally, the boys arrive. I open up the side/back gate, and help load in. It seems everyone is in a terrible foul mood.. Chad isn't happy, Danny doesn't want to be here.. it's his "birthday" week and he'd rather be watching basketball.. Taime isn't even here, neither is X, and Ace is here, and he just has a look like he'd rather be asleep.. So would I, especially because I feel like I could die at any point, even despite my large iced double shot coffee, antibiotics, vicodin, and chloraseptic spray.
The venue orders us pizza.. from Laventinas.. good.. but only one medium. Hmm. Apparently they aren't making food today. Boo.
A little about the Tiki bar, while Im on the subject. It looks like they started out correctly.. then got really fucking lazy.
This place was once Tiki bar, then a couple other places, then.. it was nothing. Now, it's Tiki Bar.. and it's hardly fucking tiki. When I hear Tiki Bar, I expect.. overwhelmingly Tiki.. like.. you can't look anywhere and see an open spot without something cheesy, tiki, hawaiaana, etc. Well.. They have a couple paintings, a couple carved posts, one tiki up front.. and.. thats it.
It has potential.. I could make this place rad. It's not too small, or too big..
It has a lighting truss flown, and sounds decent enough.. but it has a whopping 6 led pars.. Also, the flown PA's kind of worry me... I wouldn't stand under them. They hover just above the edges of the stage. The stage itself is small but decent enough.
The bartenders look.. like they look good in the dark. Small skirts, big boots, big boobs.. though I suppose you might not notice their faces.. don't bother.
The opening band goes on, and I don't know who they are.
Two very large girls (now, don't be offended here.. these girls are quite literally.. at least 3-4 times my size. and one is wearing spandex stretchy pants.) are mosh-dancing about on the empty floor.. well, thrashing about? They kind of look like drunken hippopotamus's.. sorry if that was mean. They keep thrashing about this way and I am afraid of being trampled.
..they just fell into my merch table. It's only a plastic table. Fortunately it's the venues. I'm gonna kill em if they spill my water on my netbook or phone. Even if she is 3x my size. She is a sloppy drunken makeup smeared mess.. and it's only 8:55. Ill try to get a picture of her.
It's not busy, so far. There is a few dedicated fans, though. Some indian guy and his wife.. I'm only saying that because he called himself that. Danny told them he is my father.. guess were going with that again tonight. Ha.. always makes it interesting to see who believes it.
This first band isn't bad, I am just not into it. Fortunately, from working a venue for so long, I have an AMAZING ability to tune out any and all noise I don't want to listen to.
Danny is already drunk with fans, at this point. I was told to babysit.. but.. he's a bigger handful than a child would be, sometimes.
At least the openers are playing a cover of Dead Kennedy's Police Truck. That makes me happy.
Just found out FP goes on at midnight. Sometimes, being merchgirl SUCKS BALLS.. like when you are sick as hell, can't drink, and stuck at the merch booth the ENTIRE SHOW.
When you think I'm exaggerating about being sick, I'm not just hungover. My tonsils are trying to crawl out of my throat, I have all the cold symptoms, a 100 degree flu that left me sweating like a whore in church all last night, I still can't decide if I'm cold or hot, and I have a headache from hell.
Not to complain, or anything.
Just watched the huge drunken sloppy mess in spandex try to walk past the band loading out, and trip over the stairs and eat SHIT.. is it wrong that made me laugh??
Next band up: Victoria project? I think. Decent. the singer is wearing leather gloves and a v neck, though..
The crowd keeps getting more interesting, it seems as if some of the 909 has followed the next band out here.. including some skinheads.. oh yeah.
My friends Jill and Bob show up.. and my friend Jeff is supposed to come too.. yay!
I'm spending my time downloading a fake Excel to make some nice merch sheets.. yay!
Finally, 11pm rolls around and JillBob show up!
..Then, the rest of the band decides it's time to roll in.. lucky them.
Some guy who looks like he could be Andy Warhol's brother is hanging out near the merch booth. Some random normal lookin dude decides to buy myself and Ace drinks.. unfortunately, I am sick, and Ace is driving.. so we ask for coke and water.. how rock n roll, right??
Wulfbane is playing.. I noticed the singer has a penguin tattooed behind his ear. RAD. I remember drunkenly meeting him somewhere, once. Probably Johnnys.
People seem to assume that all merch people take credit cards. Perhaps I should swipe it through the card reader.. between my ass cheeks? Cmon. Maybe I'll get a card reader.. and tell people they have to spend at least 50 to use a card.
You're probably wondering why the LONG ASS post.. well, this is what happens when I have wifi and my laptop all night.. I share all.
So when it starts to smell like punkrock bo, we realize Andy Warhol's bro is the cultprit.. eew. He even tried to smell check himself. yuck. As Jeff said, "he smelled like athletes foot and pop art"
We can't find Chad anywhere.. turns out he was napping. HA!
Finally, we find nappy face in his car. Yep, asleep outside.
He asks me to get him a jack n coke.. so I go ask the bartender. (whom i later find out is one of the owners, Kyle) Here is my convo:
Me: Hey, the band is supposed to get drinks from you, right?
BT: WHAT band?
Me: *looks down at the FP shirt Im wearing" UHHH.. Faster pussycat, the HEADLINER
BT:THEYRE NOT GETTING ANYTHING UNTIL THEY GET ON STAGE (very rudely)
Me: well, ill keep it at my merch booth until they go on
Bt: NO ILL HANDLE IT
Me: OK FINE, excuse me for attempting to save you the trip...
Wow, dickhead.
Taime apologizes for getting on stage late, because "our drummer fell asleep in the alley".. classic.
Danny proceeds to fall into ace, and back into his bass rig.. entertaining.. mostly because he is so tall he teeters back and forth first.
I fetch a few drinks, which i have to get from the very nice female bartenders, cause that dude is a prick. He ignores me every time I go near the bar.
Im very tempted to tell him this is a pathetic excuse for a tiki bar.
I decide just to go on with the night.
At one point, nobody notices that the mic on Ace's amp, lead guitar, mind you, has fallen off. I got on stage and fixed it. Yep, I could be a sound engineer-ette.
Finally, it's over with. I hurry up and pack up as quick as possible.
After a big thing with Chad losing his in ear, and the ipod, loading out, i finally get to go home.
theres nothing better than bed when youre sick... i take a couple shots o nyquil, and its off to slumberland.
WINNING!
